At most points in my life, I haven’t written nearly as much as I would like. The cacophony of life’s obligations have consistently drowned out the serene whisper of creativity. So, whenever a rare moment of respite has allowed me to breathe, to step back from the relentless treadmill of daily chores and endless tasks, I found myself confronting the mirror of introspection. It wasn’t merely about where I stood as a writer; that reflection spiraled deeper, questioning the essence of who I was as a person.
As a child, my ambitions were as numerous as the stars. Yet, the tome that contained my successes often remained unopened, the pages blank, yearning for ink. Still, there were a few moments of triumph here and there. In younger, more introspective days, my poetry was a garden of self-reflection, blooming with the vibrant colors of introspection and insight.
However, as the years unfurled like a scroll in a relentless wind, my garden grew over with the weeds of trivialities and minute details, obscuring the path to deeper self-questioning. Many of my journals became overgrown with messages of self-doubt and self-loathing, becoming Venus fly traps I eventually had to destroy for my own sanity.
What should’ve been a straightforward question — “What do I have to say, and how should I go about saying it?” — became lost in a labyrinth of life’s minutiae. The absurdity of it all lay in my inability to savor life’s minor victories. It’s as if every day demanded a grand slam, every action a monumental legacy. This relentless pursuit of grandeur set an unrealistic stage where satisfaction remained ever elusive, leading me to question, why could I not simply seize the moment and let the river of life carry me forward?
In this chapter of the Chronicles of Absurdia, I’ve decided to dig a bit into my own personal saga. It doesn’t begin with grand tales of conquest or enlightenment, but with the humbling realization of time lost to the voracious appetite of the mundane. So, today we embark on a narrative of rediscovery, of learning to appreciate the peculiar comedy that life scripts for us.
Let’s learn how to find meaning in the pauses between the chaos, where hidden elements of existence whisper the subtle truths we often overlook. In the following pages, we shall navigate the absurdities that pepper our lives, seeking wisdom in the whimsical and learning to decode the inexplicable jests of the cosmos.
The Burdens of Setting Unrealistic Expectations
As I reflect on the past four decades of my life, I’ve come to realize the absurdity of the expectations we set for ourselves. Each day unfolds like a performance where I serve three roles — the lead actor, director, and critic — striving for a standing ovation in the form of grand accomplishments. Yet, this pursuit reveals itself to be a relentless chase after the wind.
Like a blissfully ignorant rodent on a hamster wheel, I ran tirelessly for decades, believing that success must be monumental to be meaningful. Each morning, I’d wake with the ambition to hit a grand slam, not just in one aspect of life, but in every role I played. Writer, provider, creator — in all three, I sought extraordinary triumphs on the daily. This relentless drive wasn’t really ambitious, though; rather, it was simply absurdly unrealistic, setting the stage for an ongoing drama of disappointment.
Why did I have this insatiable need for grandeur in every act? Well, in my quest for seismic success, I overlooked the subtle yet profound achievements: a well-crafted sentence, a positive comment from a reader, or a peaceful moment of creative thought. This misalignment of expectation versus reality became a source of constant strife.
The demand for daily grandeur was not only unsustainable, but also blinded me to the value of incremental progress and the joy found in simple successes. The burdens of setting unrealistic expectations obscured the path to genuine fulfillment. So, what cast such a long shadow over the small, yet significant, triumphs of everyday life? It all began with my vocational struggles, the writing career that never quite emerged as I always imagined it would.
Vocational Struggles and the Mirage of Immediate Success
My journey through the vocational landscape has been less of a straight path and more of a meandering trek through a dark, forbidding forest flush with possibilities and pitfalls. This trek was underpinned by the quest for a calling that would serve the dual gods of personal fulfillment and financial necessity. Writing, as my first and truest skill, seemed the natural path for me to take. Yet, it proved to be a thorny trail, abundant with effort yet sparse in reward.
These vocational struggles were magnified by an illusion that haunted me persistently: the mirage of immediate success. Like a desert traveler desperate for water, I chased the promise of quick, lucrative wins, only to find them evaporating upon closer inspection. This illusion led me down various alleys — video production, reselling ventures, and more — each time hoping for a sudden windfall, a quick fix to the enduring issue of sustenance and satisfaction.
Yet, each venture taught me a harsh lesson in the realities of success and commitment. Dabbling in diverse domains without true dedication, I spread myself too thin. I became a Jill of All Trades, Master of None, pulled in too many directions to truly excel in any. Still, I hung onto some absurd expectation that success should be immediate and effortless. This meant neglecting the seemingly obvious, but often hidden truth that mastery and achievement are often slow-cooking, requiring patience, persistence, and focused commitment.
My downfall was this failure to commit wholeheartedly to one path if immediate results weren’t forthcoming. This was a Sisyphean endeavor, where every new venture started with hope but ended in the boulder of disappointment rolling back down the hill. All my efforts inevitably failed, leaving me to start again, with little to show for my efforts.
This vocational carousel spun around the absurd belief that the right path would yield quick, bountiful fruits. Yet, the reality is that success, especially in fields driven by passion such as writing and art, often demands a slow, steady, and sometimes painstaking journey. But no matter what we choose to pursue, life itself is punctuated by small victories and frequent setbacks, constantly challenging how we perceive success and fulfillment.
The Trial of Multiple Paths
My adult life has been marked by a persistent trial of multiple paths, relentlessly searching for a niche where my passion and provisions intersect. I’ve explored avenues as diverse as video production and the world of reclaiming and resale. Each path seemed promising, offering the allure of a solution to the perennial problem of balancing financial needs with the desire for creative fulfillment.
This exploratory phase wasn’t a failure in the diversity of my attempts, but rather in the manner of my poor execution. In trying to wear multiple hats, I found myself being pulled in too many directions. Therefore, I was unable to devote the necessary focus and energy to excel in any single endeavor. This fragmentation of effort resulted in a superficial engagement with each pursuit, like skimming the surface of a vast ocean without ever diving deep enough to discover any treasures below.
For example, my ventures into video production and resale, while providing a temporary financial respite, ultimately felt like detours from my true calling. The pressure to generate income led me to prioritize these activities over my innate passion for writing. It took me hitting rock bottom to realize that monetary gain at the expense of personal satisfaction is usually unproductive. Despite the initial promise of financial stability, these ventures lacked the soul-satisfying essence that writing offered. If you discover that what should be a joyful exploration is turning into a taxing ordeal, you’re on the wrong path.
Realizing that happiness should be paramount, regardless of the financial outcome, is a turning point for anyone. Yet, the necessity of earning a living remains a ‘necessary evil,’ creating a paradoxical situation: my pursuit of happiness always seemed at odds with the practical need for income. This conflict underscored the absurdity of trying to serve two masters: the heart’s passion and the wallet’s demands.
Even in the midst of my career woes, the irony wasn’t lost on me that in the multitude of ways to make money, commitment to a specific plan was crucial. My scattered attempts were akin to casting a wide net with too many holes; nothing was retained long enough to yield real success. The majority of my adult life was shadowed by this inability to commit fully to one thing, especially if it didn’t promise immediate rewards. This impatience for quick results was my undoing. Of course, this a common tale among those who chase the wind of varied ventures without planting firm roots in any one of them.
While diversification of interests is usually a good thing, the expectation that success can be found in the breadth of activities rather than in the depth of commitment to a single path is absurd. It took me far too long to realize this, but once I did it was a sobering lesson. I’ve now fully accepted the importance of focus, dedication, and the willingness to weather the slow and often arduous journey towards meaningful achievement.
The Temptation to Abandon Writing Altogether
At a particularly low ebb in my vocational saga, the idea of completely abandoning writing for video production tantalized me. This moment seems profoundly absurd in hindsight, considering my core identity as a writer. Yet, the siren call of potentially lucrative video content creation led me to entertain this drastic shift. At the time, it was possible to rationalize such a drastic shift in creative mediums.
Venturing into video production was like stepping onto a foreign stage, though. The immediacy and visual allure of videos seemed promising, a stark contrast to the slow, solitary craft of writing. I flirted with the idea of transforming my written content into videos, in the hope that the dynamic medium would reinvigorate both my creative spirit and financial inflows.
However, the transition from text to speech was fraught with unexpected challenges. I‘ve always known that my articulation in writing far surpasses my spoken clarity. The spoken word, with its fleeting nature, proved a poor vessel for the depth and nuance that I could easily convey through writing. Yet, I pressed on, hoping to transform my long-held weakness into a newfound strength. Still, my forays into speech-to-text technology, intended as a bridge between these worlds, ended in frustration. What was supposed to be a seamless flow of ideas into spoken content often degenerated into rambling, disjointed narratives.
The absurdity deepened when I realized that even the act of scripting videos was futile for me. I could never adhere to a predetermined script, always veering off into impromptu monologues that stretched far beyond their intended length. This tendency underscored a fundamental mismatch between my thought processes and the medium of video. Eventually, I realized that I was making a monumental mistake.
Even when I managed to earn money through video content creation for third parties, the endeavor left me feeling hollow. The frustration of the process, coupled with the dissatisfaction with the end product, led to extreme burnout. The more I engaged with video production, the more alienated I felt from my intrinsic love for writing. This new venture was eroding my core identity, and finally recognizing this after some months was a jarring wake-up call.
This period of my life was a stark lesson in forsaking one’s natural talents and passions for the allure of quick financial gains or trendy mediums. In hindsight, these experiences highlight the importance of alignment between your skills and chosen form of expression. I never fully appreciated the dangers of deviating from one’s authentic path in pursuit of superficial success until that time.
Spontaneity as a Catalyst for Change
In a twist of fate, driven by desperation and a need for change, I took a spontaneous leap that would redraw my life path. I took a moment to breathe, then decided to act on the next impulse that came to me. This would be the creation of The Phoenix Desertsong website. This act of impulsive creativity stood in stark contrast to my previous calculated endeavors. Thus, it marked a pivotal moment for me in embracing the absurdity of life’s unpredictable course.
The decision to build a personal website and brand wasn’t the result of meticulous planning or strategic foresight. It was, indeed, a spontaneous combustion of pent-up creativity and frustration. Given my recent track record of vocational wandering and financial instability, it seemed a particularly absurd decision. Yet, this spur-of-the-moment decision became the catalyst for a profound mindset transformation.
This leap into the unknown, guided by intuition rather than logic, allowed me to break free from the constraints of conventional expectations and financial pressures. It was a return to my roots, giving myself the creative freedom I had long denied myself in pursuit of more “practical” endeavors. The Phoenix Desertsong website has become a sanctuary where I can write, explore, and express myself without the shackles of external validation or immediate financial reward.
The website’s growth mirrored my own personal evolution. I began to rediscover the joy of writing and the value of authentic self-expression. What started as a spontaneous act evolved into a committed project. It’s provided a steady platform for my voice and creativity. This newfound stability and focus contrasted sharply with my earlier frenetic, fragmented pursuits.
In an unexpected turn, this spontaneous venture led to meeting the love of my life. This further solidified the idea that embracing spontaneity, when all else fails, can lead to profound personal and professional fulfillment. Our partnership, born from a shared creative spirit, blossomed into a collaboration that enriched both our work and our personal lives.
The story of The Phoenix Desertsong website underscores the transformative power of spontaneity. Truly, sometimes the most absurd decisions can lead to the most meaningful outcomes. The results of this spontaneous action taught me that embracing the unexpected and allowing for spontaneous action can open doors to opportunities and connections that rigid planning and cautious deliberation might never unveil.
My Renewed Commitment to Writing
After navigating the chaotic waters of various vocations and creative endeavors, I finally anchored myself in the tranquil harbor of writing. This return wasn’t just a retreat to familiar territory, but a conscious commitment to my foremost skill and passion. My earlier deviations appeared starkly absurd as I rediscovered the profound satisfaction that writing alone could offer to me.
In this phase of my life, writing has transcended its previous role as merely a professional endeavor or a means to financial ends. It’s evolved into a sanctuary of self-expression, a place where I can explore the intricacies of life and articulate the nuances of human experience. This commitment to writing marked a pivotal shift from the frenetic search for a multifaceted career to a focused pursuit of authorship.
The concept of authorship now stood before me not just as a vocational goal but as a life mission. The irony of this journey wasn’t lost on me: in seeking to write the grand narrative of my life, I had overlooked the power of writing itself to provide meaning and fulfillment. The process of planning books, though still in its infancy, became a beacon of direction, guiding me through the introspective process of identifying what truly mattered in my life.
This dream that had lingered in the background of my tumultuous career journey, but finally became realized with the publishing of my poetry book and short essay collection. But, I still felt unfulfilled in what I’d accomplished. So, the idea of writing a book about appreciating life’s absurdities crystallized, to share my lessons learned about the significance of the mundane, the beauty of the ordinary, and the importance of pausing to breathe in the whirlwind of existence.
This project symbolized not just a vocational aspiration, but a personal manifesto, encapsulating the ethos of cherishing the fleeting, often overlooked moments that weave the fabric of our lives. These ideas, of course, became the Chronicles of Absurdia, from which you’re reading right now.
In fully committing to writing, I embraced not only my greatest skill, but also the therapeutic and reflective practice it offered. Writing is the clearest mirror for me to reflect my inner world. It’s what best allows me to process experiences, celebrate small victories, and confront the absurdities of life with humor and grace. This commitment signified a homecoming to my true self. It was a necessary reconciliation with my identity as a writer, and a resolve to honor this identity in both my personal and professional life.
Thus, this absurd journey full of detours and diversions culminated in a profound realization: that the core of my fulfillment lay in the simple, yet profoundly challenging, act of writing. This realization wasn’t just a professional decision. It was a life choice, affirming the power of words to shape reality, heal wounds, and capture the fleeting beauty of existence.
Life, in its unpredictable and often nonsensical trajectory, offers a canvas on which the bizarre and the beautiful coexist, painting a picture that can only be understood when stepped back and viewed in its entirety. In my journey, these absurd moments — those spontaneous decisions, unanticipated changes, and the pursuit of varied passions — have been the most enlightening.
These moments urge us to question our rigid expectations and to embrace the fluidity of life, acknowledging that our plans are mere sketches on the ever-changing canvas of our existence. If I’ve learned just one thing from this entire trek through the absurd, it’s that embracing life’s absurdity means accepting that we can’t control everything, nor should we attempt to even try.
How to Maintain Purpose and Fulfillment
The predictable is often overshadowed by the unexpected. So, in order to avoid the quagmire of vocational despair I once endured, here are practical steps to embrace the absurdity of life while maintaining a sense of purpose and fulfillment:
Schedule Time for Self-Reflection and Creative Expression: In between your responsibilities, carve out moments for introspection and expression. Simply jotting down thoughts can be a powerful tool for understanding and appreciating the bizarreness of life. This practice helps you to process experiences, celebrate small victories, and articulate the absurdities you observe in a constructive way.
Set Realistic Expectations for Yourself: Aiming for grand slams in every aspect of life isn’t only unrealistic, but also diminishes the joy of smaller achievements. So, instead set achievable goals and learn to find satisfaction in incremental progress. This approach reduces the pressure and disappointment that come from unmet grandiose expectations, allowing you to appreciate and celebrate the small wins.
Commit to a Primary Path, But Stay Adaptable: While it’s important to focus and invest deeply in your chosen passion or career, you must remain open to life’s unpredictable twists. Dedication doesn’t equal inflexibility. Rather, it means being committed enough to persist but also adaptable enough to pivot when necessary. This balance between commitment and adaptability helps in navigating the unpredictable nature of life while still pursuing your passion.
Use Spontaneity as a Tool for Discovery: Allow yourself to be spontaneous, embracing the unpredictable moments that life offers. These unexpected experiences can lead to profound insights and opportunities. Spontaneity helps break the monotony of routine and open doors to new paths that you might never have considered in a strictly planned life.
Practice Gratitude for the Present Moment: In the midst of absurdity, we must cultivate a grateful attitude. Acknowledging the value of the present, with all its oddities and charms, grants us a deeper appreciation for life. A grateful mindset transforms how you view daily experiences, turning ordinary moments into extraordinary reflections of life’s inherent beauty and complexity.
By integrating these practices into your daily life, you can navigate the absurdities with a sense of humor, resilience, and wisdom. These steps encourage a life lived with intention and joy. We must acknowledge the absurd as not just a facet of existence, but as a fundamental aspect that adds color, depth, and meaning to our journey.
Closing Thoughts
In wrapping up this wild roller coaster ride of vocational vacillation, it seems that life’s script is more comedic than tragic, more serendipitous than structured. As I’ve fumbled through the chapters of my own narrative, chasing grandiose dreams and wrestling with existential quandaries, I’ve stumbled upon a few laughable truths. Primarily, the universe has a peculiar sense of humor, often placing the punchline in the plot twists of our meticulously laid plans.
Indeed, the saga of my vocational and creative journey reads less like a polished manuscript and more like a series of rough drafts. Each enjoys its own set of annotations and revisions. It’s been a process, learning to dance and sing in the heavy rain of absurdities, rather than simply waiting for the storm to pass. Singing blissfully in the rain has taught me that the most meaningful moments often arrive unannounced, dressed in the guise of mundane occurrences or spontaneous decisions.
Life is unpredictable and capricious, so we can’t expect that we can script it to our liking. Trying to do so is like trying to pen a novel with a feather constantly tickling your nose; the task is as futile as it is amusing. So, I’ve learned to hold the pen of my life with a lighter grip. We must allow our stories to unfold with their own rhythm and pace, not force them into predefined narratives full of stereotypes and societal biases.
So, let’s embrace the absurdities, for they aren’t just the footnotes in our life story, but the very essence that gives it flavor and fervor. After all, life’s most exquisite irony that in the pursuit of writing my own epic, I discovered the epicness in just writing about life itself. The next time you’re feeling stuck, take a moment to breathe. Then, if you get a spontaneous urge to just try something new, as long as it doesn’t kill you, why not just go for it?
~ Amelia Desertsong
