Ultimately, the goal of any self-improvement exercise should be to become self-reliant. While human beings need other humans to be truly happy, one must be self-reliant to not have to always depend on others for everything. Sure, no one lives in a vacuum. The concept of self-reliance is really more about being able to stand on your own better than others who crumble when the various storms of life come ashore.
Being truly independent has long been a goal of mine. As I write this, that goal has still not yet come to pass. I’ve come pretty far in my thirty years on this earth. But, I’m not as far as I would’ve liked by now. Sure, human beings are social creatures, and we are all connected. We all need a little help from time to time, right?
I don’t know if it’s truly possible for me to be 100 percent self-reliant. I’ve always felt like it isn’t possible for me. Why do I think this way? Is it an inferiority complex? Is it that I lack the necessary skills to do so?
Clearly, I’m not where I want to be at this point in my life. That’s frustrating, but it’s also not the end of the world. I still have a lot of growing to do. We all do. People can never truly stop growing, most especially in the mental, emotional, and spiritual senses.
I need to be able to wake up in the morning and say, I’m good enough. I can do anything I set my mind to. This sounds fluffy, but I really often don’t feel good enough. Still, I don’t want to just be “good enough.” Sure, I might technically survive on my own. With my amazing partner, who helps me so much every day, I may never have to. But the whole worst case “what if” scenarios come up all too often in my head.
What I really am aiming to do with trying to be self-reliant is that I’m able to consistently make my own decisions. I need to consistently pick myself up. And sometimes I do. Many times I sort of drift through the day. I really only find focus in writing. Otherwise, I wander aimlessly.
As J.R.R. Tolkien once famously said, “Not all who wander are lost.”
I simply want to feel like I am good enough to be my own whole person. And many days, I don’t. I think at our cores many of us feel there are bits missing that we need someone to compensate for. And I think most of us find a way to compensate for our failings.
But, that’s not enough for me. To be the person I really want to be, I need to be able to wake up in the morning and tell myself, “I can do this, no matter what it takes.” That’s the kind of self-reliant I want to be!
~ Amelia <3