Self-awareness is the ability to understand why you make the questionable choices you do, like reaching for that extra slice of pizza when you know damn well your stomach is already regretting the first three. Part of it is about knowing your triggers — those delightful little landmines that life so generously scatters in your path. The rest comes with learning how to either react better or, preferably, not react at all. After all, some situations are best met with a well-timed shrug and a mental note to start practicing Zen.
But, self-awareness isn’t about preventing those inevitable explosions. No, it’s about mastering the art of damage control — how to patch up the blown-up bits of your psyche before the next bomb goes off. Properly developing self awareness means being in a constant state of “Well, that happened,” while trying to convince yourself you’re evolving into a better human.
The Delusional Dizziness of Expectations
Expectations are a double-edged sword that have sliced me up more times than I care to admit. There’s such a thing as reacting too positively to something, and trust me, doing so can backfire spectacularly. I think beach to ask the times in my youth, and even young adulthood, when I’d get all worked up about a new TV show or film being released soon. The anticipation would be practically dripping off me.
But, as is often the case, these shows more often than not turned out to be a flaming pile of mediocrity. Almost every time, I reacted with the grace of a toddler denied a cookie. So, nowadays, I usually keep my television expectations lower than a limbo bar. Yet even now, every now and then, something manages to slip under that bar and trip me up. Still, each time, I end up very disappointed.
While I still fall victim to jilted expectations, I’ve come to a more evolved understanding about how dramatically I react to my preconceptions being shattered. So, in the spirit of self-awareness, I must learn to temper my expectations—especially when it comes to work.
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve thrown myself headfirst into a new project, expecting it to be my ticket to fame and fortune, only to end up with little more than a few bucks and a pat on the back. In freelancing, you quickly learn that most opportunities are exactly what they seem: one-offs that barely make a dent in your bank account. But hey, at least I was consistent, in that I was consistently underwhelmed. So, how did I break that cycle?
A Dose of Reality, Served Cold
Here’s the thing: understanding your circumstances and then adjusting your expectations accordingly is the cornerstone of self-awareness. Take it from a former freelance writer who spent more time calculating how to stretch a dollar than actually earning one. When I first started, I had sky-high expectations for every client. Towards the end, I was just hoping they’d remember to pay me. I spent years undervaluing my work, taking on projects for peanuts, because the alternative was getting nothing at all.
Oh, let’s not forget the delightful dilemma of pricing your services. Charge too much, you scare them away; charge too little, and they wonder if you’re even competent. So, naturally, I settled for just above minimum wage when I should’ve been demanding double. It wasn’t so smart, in retrospect, but I’m still here so I have the opportunity to learn from my epic fails.
Yet even when you’re painfully aware of your shortcomings, you sometimes continue the same self-destructive habits out of sheer stubbornness. This is because the fear of losing out is a powerful motivator, even when the prize isn’t worth the hassle. In my case, I lost out on plenty of gigs by overthinking or simply not giving a damn. But hey, at least I didn’t have to deal with the headache of working for chump change, right?
Eventually, I did something radical—I decided to recognize my own worth. I raised my rates dramatically, and — surprise — all but one of my clients disappeared. Fortunately, the one who stuck around became my life partner, proving that sometimes jacking up your prices does pay off. It’s hardly a common occurrence, but it makes for a hell of a story.
The Art of Not Getting Completely Derailed
Fun fact: I have a remarkable talent for getting off-track. It’s practically a superpower. In the freelance world, getting sidetracked is just part of the job, especially when the work you were counting on doesn’t materialize. But being aware of my tendency to wander off the path doesn’t always help me stay on it. Self-awareness, it seems, is more about recognizing when you’re veering off-course and less about actually staying on it.
Face it — life is a series of wins and losses, with the occasional epic fail thrown in for good measure. The key is to win just enough to keep you going and to learn from the losses without letting them drag you into the abyss. You must learn to make decisions that aren’t entirely based on impulse. Well, unless that impulse is to do something spectacularly reckless, in which case, just be sure you know the risks before you go for it.
For me, writing is the anchor that keeps me from drifting too far into the void. It’s my therapy, my lifeline, and the one thing that keeps my self-awareness from spiraling into madness. Everyone has their thing that keeps them grounded. Wherever it is for you, make sure it’s something that recharges your emotional, mental, and spiritual batteries. That way, when life throws you a curveball, you’re at least somewhat prepared to swing and maybe even make contact.
So, you might think your life is boring or insignificant. But trust me, there’s always something new to discover about yourself, even if it’s just realizing how utterly clueless you’ve been up until now. We’re all more important to the world than we give ourselves credit for at any given time. Once you become aware of that fact, you can start making a difference—not just for yourself, but for those around you.
If all else fails, just remember: sarcasm is a perfectly valid coping mechanism.
~ Amelia Desertsong