In 2003, I wrote many short essays as part of a weekly homework assignment. One of these has hung around in my archives for many years, a more substantial piece called “Life is Not a Grade,” a whimsical yet insightful expedition into the notion that our existence cannot — and should not — be quantified by the simplistic metrics of academic grading. In the decades since, this piece has evolved, retaining its essence while gaining clarity and depth.

Through the lens of introspective wit, “Life is Not a Grade” urges us to laugh at the futility of trying to score our human journey as if it were a math test or a history quiz. In doing so, it sets the stage for a series of essays that encourage us to recognize, confront, and savor the inherent absurdity of our existence. It humorously critiques the education system’s penchant for constant evaluation and extends this critique to life itself, questioning the societal obsession with judgment and comparison.

Revisiting the Source Material

The following is a revised version of the original Junior English writing assignment back in 2003. It was rewritten mainly clarity while still retaining the original flavor and essence of the piece.

We’re taught in school to be responsible young adults. So, forgetting your English folder on a Friday morning, one in which you were already in the dumps, can really wreck your day. But, failing in one little thing is not the end-all of everything. There are four other classes, or in some cases three – you lucky ones – that are to left to prepare for. Four-fifths prepared isn’t bad. You’re already getting a B in responsibility.

Life is not a grade. There is no grading scale to rate how someone lives their life. It’s impossible to do so because no one else can ever know every single thing that’s ever happened to a person. You can’t rate every decision with a letter grade or on a percentile scale, because you can never really get in someone’s head. All you can do is try to understand as best as you can what their thought process was and what went into it.

You can’t grade a person as a whole, either. Who is to say who’s “cool” and who’s not? Me, of course. And you, and you, and you. He and she will think what they will. But, it shouldn’t affect them enough to believe they’re a total A-plus-plus or an F-minus. Some people spend far too much time judging others when they should be judging themselves first.

We need a grade for effort, right? Well, human beings aren’t perfect, and even with effort comes plenty of mistakes. In fact it’s possible to do far too much, when a little less would be sufficient.

Therefore, who is to say what’s right and what’s wrong? Anybody. Everybody is entitled to his or her opinion. But sometimes, it seems that our opinions themselves are being graded, and not the way they’re actually being expressed. We can’t be graded on our thoughts; we can’t be, as long as we can back them up. That is the supposed basis of grading, to make sure people don’t go out into the world and make fools out of themselves not being able to intelligently voice their opinions.

Life isn’t about seeing or hearing something and spitting it back out. It’s about thinking about it. In Math, we use our minds to problem solve – an extremely important skill to have. Arithmetic problems are meant to teach patience, a quality which is often lacking in this age of “fast-food” and instant gratification.

We have our History classes to look back and ponder how people did things back then and why they may or may not have done them. We can also wonder: what if I was there, what would I have done?

Our Science courses help us to observe how things work, and to teach us how to see things methodically. These Science classes are a sort of a subset of math as my Chemistry teacher once eloquently put it. Finally, English is about expressing ourselves, to share how we feel about the world, and to reflect on our thoughts by ourselves and with others.

School is meant to give us the tools we need to live in the world. How we use them out in the world, can’t be given a grade. All teachers can do is try hard as they can to teach kids what they’ll need. You just hope they’re responsible enough to use those tools to get an A in Life.

The Absurdity of the Grading Systems of Life

Without recognizing it at the time, I had dug up a rabbit hole down which I was ill prepared to explore. Fortunately, I’ve gained over two decades of life experience since then, and the ideas expressed in this article deserve much more substantial treatment. Rather than turn the original piece into something entirely unrecognizable, it seems more prudent to create a follow-up to the source material.

I want to more deeply explore the story of a student forgetting her English folder and its disproportionate impact on her mood and self-perception. Out of that, I want to launch into a full-on critique of the education system’s emphasis on constant evaluation and its extension into personal worth.

This folder-forgetting folly, while minor in the grand scheme, assumes monumental proportions in the life of a high school junior — a young woman who forgets her English folder at a critical moment in the term. This seemingly trivial mishap spirals into a day-ruining catastrophe, serving as a poignant emblem of how disproportionately small failures can loom in our daily lives.

Let’s expose the stark contrast between the simplicity of the mistake and its amplified impact on self-perception, thereby critiquing the broader societal trend of applying the rigid, unforgiving structure of academic grading to the messy, unpredictable nature of human existence. It’s absurd that a misplaced folder can feel like a failing grade in life’s unwritten curriculum, revealing the ludicrousness of such a metric for measuring our worth and achievements.

The Incident and Its Exaggerated Impact

The incident unfolded on a crisp autumn morning, as the school corridors buzzed with the anticipatory energy of students. Among them was a junior, a peer of mine who was a diligent and usually composed young woman, whose day was about to take an unforeseen turn. As she reached into her backpack in the calm before the storm of our English class, her face blanched; her English folder, brimming with her meticulously prepared journal entries for that week’s homework, wasn’t there. This realization hit her like a physical blow, her panic palpable in the sudden frenzy of rummaging through her belongings.

I observed, almost in slow motion, as her demeanor crumbled from composed to frantic. The forgotten folder wasn’t just a collection of papers; it represented hours of hard work and more importantly a significant portion of her term grade. Our teacher, who was a fair but strict grader, immediately declared that she was to receive a zero grade for that week’s entries.

Her embarrassment became public knowledge, and it seemed to be a warning to the rest of us to keep our things in proper order. I watched her sulk and be entirely disinterested in class after that. As the bell rang at the end of the period, her plight seemed to echo down the hallways, morphing into more than just a personal mishap. She never spoke up again in that class and I think that one incident may have ruined her entire term in that subject, and her perception of that teacher.

What should’ve been a minor inconvenience was magnified into a day-ruining, and perhaps term-ruining catastrophe, and at the very least a black mark on her English class term grade. This incident, seemingly small and personal, became emblematic of a broader societal issue that I picked up on immediately.

Unlike her, I didn’t blame the teacher for this. He did his job, preparing students for the real world. Still, this incident underscored how our educational and societal systems often amplify such mistakes, making them feel like colossal failures. This disproportionate response to the forgotten folder highlighted the absurdity of the immense pressure placed on us all to perform flawlessly in every aspect of our academic lives. It’s an unnerving reflection of a culture which often fails to recognize the human propensity for error and the inevitable imperfections of life.

The great irony about this story is actually two-fold: this is the Junior English class that transformed me from a fiction writer into an essayist. It was also this incident that made me realize I needed to use my writing skills to point out these absurdities in our daily life. Thus, had this essay never been written these Chronicles of Absurdia wouldn’t exist. Instead, I’d still be writing novels and short stories that never went anywhere. So, I’d say my junior English teacher did his job, even if there were casualties along the way.

A Satirical Analysis of Academic Grading Applied to Life

Imagine a world where every morning starts with a grade stamped on your forehead based on how well you slept, how promptly you got out of bed, or how balanced your breakfast was. This is the ludicrous reality we flirt with when we apply the academic grading system’s rigid structure to the swirling chaos of life. So, with the inherent unpredictability of our universe, why then do we find ourselves shackled to the antiquated rubric of As, Bs, and Fs, as if life were a series of pop quizzes and final exams?

With its neat categories and linear progression, the academic grading system stands in comical opposition to life’s meandering path, filled with plot twists and surprise endings. While a student’s grasp of algebra can be neatly quantified with a percentage, how does one assign a grade to the complex calculus of human relationships, the nuanced art of personal growth, or the unpredictable outcomes of daily choices? Yet, our “world-class” American educational system promotes the notion that our value and success can and should be measured, weighed, and displayed in a numerical or alphabetical format, as if our very souls had barcodes ready to scan.

It’s not just blatant absurdity, but also an unneeded tragedy, trying to confine the richness of human experience within the narrow columns of a grade book. The educational system’s role in this farce is both promoter and enforcer of the idea that life is a high-stakes game where every action and decision contribute to our final score.American students are taught to view themselves as walking report cards, where self-worth is intricately tied to the ability to amass points and accolades. Thus, the fear of a metaphorical red pen looms larger than the pursuit of knowledge and personal growth.

When you peel back the layers of such a flawed educational paradigm, you reveal that by insisting on quantifiable success, the educational system inadvertently crafts a narrative where the essence of human existence is reduced to a competition. So, the complex, unpredictable nature of life is taught as oversimplified so it can fit within rigid, arbitrary confines of grades and percentages.

The Folly of Understanding Life by a Scorecard

I’ve lived a life for years in which every action seems to be under the scrutiny of an invisible jury. So, it’s no surprise that the notion of life as a scorecard presents a great metaphor for satire. Imagine, if you will, a world where each of our daily actions — be it making breakfast, navigating social interactions, or even forgetting a folder — is tallied, scored, and graded, much like homework in a high school class. There are times where it seems we’re actually living with a perpetual report card dangling over our heads, where every misstep deducts points from our existential GPA.

The folly of such a scenario becomes evident when we consider the nuanced, unpredictable reality of human existence. Life is both vibrant and chaotic. There’s no way it can be neatly categorized into A’s, B’s, C’s, and so on. Yet, our educational system, obsessed with quantifiable metrics, subtly indoctrinates us into viewing our worth through the narrow lens of grades and scores. This reductionist view is hilariously inadequate for productive education; it’s like measuring the ocean’s depth with a ruler.

Through this satirical lens, we can clearly see the ludicrousness of quantifying the qualitative aspects of life. You may have heard the saying, “Eighty percent of success is just showing up.” This essentially means being “four-fifths prepared,” or securing a B in responsibility. While it’s advice with good intentions, it’s overall a laughable concept when applied to the overwhelming complexity of human experiences. How can the richness of life, in all its ups, downs, and every thing in between, be accurately captured in the simplistic, often arbitrary, confines of alphabetical grading?

Trying to fit the round peg of human experience into the square hole of a grading rubric is simply folly. We live in such a bizarre reality of living under the constant pressure of evaluation, where every trivial action we make is weighed and measured, often ignoring the beautiful, immeasurable qualities that truly define us.

Societal Implications and Self-Perception

The reach of these grading systems extends far beyond the classroom, seeping into societal norms and shaping our self-perception in profound, often invisible ways. This system, which seems to become baked into us during our compulsory time in the academic realm, subtly engrains into us a mindset where life is a series of tests to be scored. This is how we end up with a culture obsessed with evaluation and comparison. As individuals internalize these metrics, we end up viewing ourselves and others through the prism of quantifiable achievements and failures.

This internalization manifests in a pervasive sense of competition, gauging our own value against the accomplishments of others. We have a societal mirror reflecting back not the richness of one’s character or the breadth of one’s experiences, but a score, a grade, or a rank that’s divorced from reality. This skewed perception encourages a view of life as a perpetual contest, where every action contributes to one’s standing on the leaderboard of social acceptance and success.

Under this influence, our self-perception becomes intrinsically tied to these external evaluations. We may begin to judge our worth by the standards set by academic achievements, job titles, and other measurable successes. This leads to us neglecting the intrinsic value of our unique traits and experiences, leading to a distorted self-image. Our identities and self-esteem are tethered to the fluctuating numbers and letters of our ‘performance’ in various domains.

Also, the societal emphasis on grading and ranking can diminish the appreciation for life itself, focusing instead on outcomes or end results, not how we came to those conclusions. Individual growth, learning, and experience are overshadowed by the pursuit of a high score or a top rank. This reductionist view not only narrows our understanding of success, but also limits the spectrum of what’s valued and celebrated in our culture.

Rejecting the Graded Life Mentality

Rejecting the notion that life is something that can be graded is a paradigm shift in mentality, and it’s ridiculous that this has become a common case.It’s like stepping out of the shadows into the sunlight, where the numbers and letters that once defined our worth dissolve into irrelevance. This rejection isn’t such much an act of defiance against the educational system, but rather making a profound shift in how we perceive and value ourselves and others. Wemust recognize that life can’t and shouldn’t be quantified, as its greatest beauty lies in its complexity and unpredictability.

To reject the graded life mentality means embracing the idea that not every aspect of our existence needs to be measured or compared to others. Human experiences, emotions, and interactions are too nuanced and rich to be confined within the simplistic boundaries of grades. Shifting into this freer mindset liberates us from the constant pressure to perform and compete, allowing us to value life’s experiences for their inherent worth rather than their potential to add points to a metaphorical scorecard.

Moving away from the grading mentality also encourages a more compassionate and holistic view of success. Personal growth and fulfillment must be prioritized over traditional metrics of achievement. In this more open headspace, failure isn’t a mark of defeat, but an opportunity for learning and development. Success should be measured by personal satisfaction and happiness rather than external accolades. While the latter can be enjoyable, they’re not the essence of reality for what you actually accomplished.

Rejecting the ‘graded life’ also means valuing diversity in life paths, recognizing that each individual’s journey is unique and can’t be fairly compared to another’s. We must encourage a societal shift from a one-size-fits-all measure of achievement to a more inclusive and flexible understanding of success. Different talents and contributions must be equally valued, and sadly, oftentimes the overemphasized focus on profitability and hyper-specialization we’re taught in school causes truly talented and hard-working people to fall through the cracks.

Essentially, to reject the graded life mentality is to advocate for a more humane, compassionate, and realistic approach to living. It’s a collective reassessment of what truly matters in life, urging us to cherish the ungraded, unpredictable, and invaluable experiences that define our existence. This shift not only enhances personal well-being but is the foundation for a more inclusive, empathetic, and diverse community, where the richness of human life is celebrated in all its forms.

Closing Thoughts

Today, we’ve illuminated the stark incongruity between the rigid, numerical evaluations of academic grading and the fluid, nuanced reality of human existence. We’ve critiqued the pervasive mentality that seeks to quantify every aspect of life, revealing the folly and reductionism of such an approach. Now, we’ve clarified the disproportionate impact of this grading mindset on individuals’ self-perception and societal values, highlighting the absurdity of measuring complex human experiences with simplistic, arbitrary metrics.

Ultimately, we must question the sanity of living under the constant pressure of judgment and comparison. We must laugh at the peculiarity of modern society to grade every aspect of life, as if preparing for an exam that never comes. As emotional and social creatures, we should instead be reveling in the chaotic, beautiful mess that is life. In order to be truly as free as we believe ourselves to be, we must break ourselves out of the shackles of perpetual evaluation and allowing ourselves to truly live.

~ Artemis Desertsong