In these pages often emerge jumbled thoughts. On the rare occasion something useful or relevant pops up, I consider it a blessing. Many essays I set to write often never see the light of day. Most are erased over time as I tidy up my digital archives.
Sometimes, I’ll publish just for the sake of it. The right idea can spark a few paragraphs worthy of interest. Really, what gets written often comes down to a matter of motivation. It’s rarely a lack of ideas that leads to me not writing, but rather a mixture of apathy from within myself and the world at large, or some physical, mental, or emotionally hindrance to composing something coherent.
My coherency is at times fleeting, but not always due to internal or external stresses. The passion for the written word ebbs and flows for reasons governed mostly by the unconscious. Yet, sometimes the more mixed up I get, the more the need to write, even if the result is garbage. At times, these moments of incoherent rambling serve as a sort of a writer’s tune-up for me.
As I write in these pages, I don’t often know where they are going to lead us. I let my subconscious do much of the thinking for me. The unconscious sometimes gets in the way and causes a breakdown in the logic or structure of what I’m aiming to compose. I can often pull it back together, but all too often it’s a lost cause. Ah, well, the exercise of writing is always worth some frustration if only for the practice.
~ Amelia <3