So many hours I’ve spent staring into a bright rectangle of bluelight. My whole world, and all I could ever care about, often resides within that space. Of course, this is typical for most folks of my generation, and those coming immediately before and after it. Still, bluelight can be harsh on the eyes. But, it is what it is to stay connected with your most important lovelies, right?
Oftentimes, my little conversations over cellular networks and fiber optic cable lines (sometimes copper ones have to suffice) are all that gets me through my day. Between my autism, ADHD, Tourette’s, and gender dysphoria, I’m a walking tick-tock time bomb. If I don’t vent properly, and as someone well versed in building systems, I know how important this is. Eventually, there will be a toxic disaster of epic proportions.
Whenever I find myself alone with my thoughts, writing is usually the best outlet for my oftentimes overwhelming train of thoughts. Many of the stops my brain makes on its journey to Disturbia are not pleasant ones. Sometimes, I feel forced to have to go back and edit old scribblings just to retain some bit of sanity. Otherwise, I fear I won’t see tomorrow, at least, not with any freedom allowed me.
I’ve long feared the appearance of white coats. But, I’m not insane. I’m simply too brilliant for my good, I’ve been told. So, I’m constantly walking on eggshells when it comes to expressing myself. I have to cloak many of my thoughts in metaphors and allegories. Perhaps, it is for the best, as my condition has greatly enhanced my skills as a writer. At least, my lovely readers, you can appreciate what I go through on a daily basis through reading my words.
The key is to keep open dialogues with the right souls, to take the time to truly and openly express my thought processes, and stop procrastinating on my novels. Feeling my energy waning as I write this, I realize that a day of rest is sorely needed. Unfortunately, the bills bark at me and the bank account frowns at me whenever I take a break from work. Still, I make consistent progress on building my digital empire.
C’est la vie. I need a break. Love you all. Kisses and hugs. Praying for Peace in our times!
~ Amelia, le Bon Ami <3